It’s the beginning of a new year. And many of us at this time of year take time to reflect on the previous year and contemplate what we would like to see in the year and years to come. For some, it brings a feeling of excitement.  For others, they are grieving the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or an era. Still others feel like they don’t know a way forward, what goals to have, what purpose their life holds. Whatever you may be feeling, I can assure you that you are not alone.

2026 marks 10 years since I left my position as a corporate lawyer for a big Chicago firm and started my own law firm focused on helping women escape abusive and toxic relationships.  Here’s a few things I’ve learned in the process.

  1. The key to joy is being thankful.

It is nearly impossible to be anxious or worried when we are thankful for all the good gifts God has given us. Truly joyful people are aware that every good thing in life is a gift. They are grateful and they show it. They realize that every family member, every friend, every coworker, and every good neighbor is a gift they treasure. They know that every job, every warm home, every working car, and every dollar in a bank account is a blessing from above for which they are appreciative.

They are able to recognize the good, even when bad things happen. The basement flooded? At least I have a house with a basement to flood. Torn ACL?  Thank goodness for modern medicine that can get me back up and running. When the late preacher Charles Spurgeon was robbed on the streets of London, he said he was thankful that the robber only took a little money and not his life. But most of all, he said “I’m thankful to God that I was not the robber.” What a beautiful perspective.

When someone is grateful for all their blessings, they live their life with humility and kindness and joy. They foster deep relationships. Good people want to be around them. And when they are surrounded by good people, connections are made, good things happen and doors are opened. And that just adds to things they are thankful for, which adds to their joy.

The opposite of being thankful is feeling entitled.  And for those people, nothing is ever enough. So, they are perpetually empty and lack joy. Truly, they are some of the most miserable individuals on the planet.

As you start the new year, choose to be thankful. And see how your joy grows.

  1. The key to being peaceful is recognizing the losses and injustices, but not letting them control you or define you.

Everyone will suffer losses and injustices in this fallen world. Loved ones die, friends betray friends, employers fire employees. Some people are prejudiced against those who don’t look like them, some are angry against those who don’t think like them, and others are just unkind to everyone. Promises are broken, divorces happen, relationships end. In my world, women need healing and separation from toxic and abusive partners.

Some people still feel the trauma from injustices of their ancestors – those who have been enslaved, or victims of war, or Holocaust victims. While others feel the modern-day injustices of being a victim of a crime or discrimination or broken agreements.

Even in church, where we are supposed to love our neighbor as ourselves, there is often church hurt. In some denominations, women are excluded from leadership positions. And they are often not supported when they come to the church as a victim of abuse for support. Some church goers still find room for prejudice in their heart instead of the love of Jesus.

But here’s the thing: people who refuse to be victims, who choose to overcome the obstacles and right the wrongs, who choose the hard job of healing and wholeness, who choose compassion, those are the ones who change the world – or at least their little corner of it. They have chosen forgiveness  – that is, they release the offender to God.  Not for the offender (who often will not apologize and doesn’t care), but for themselves so they can live in peace. Those are the ones who are peaceful because they choose to be peaceful.

Of course, there are many people who refuse to heal – who insist on defining themselves as a victim.  They ruminate on the past and let past injustices and injuries, whether their own or others,’ continue to control their lives. They see themselves as a perpetual victim. So they are offended by every comment. They see darkness in every action. They assume the worst in others, even when others are kind and good. They divide rather than seek unity. They cut good people out of their lives. They simply can’t see the good all around them. They are perpetually unhappy. They do not have peace.

I always tell the women that I counsel that their number one priority needs to be healing and wholeness, for themselves and their children, because they cannot give what they do not have. Overwhelmingly, they choose healing and wholeness once they out from under the dark cloud of oppression.  Despite their horrific past, they choose to move from victim to victorious.  They inspire me every day.

As you start the new year, refuse to be defined by past injuries or injustices.  Choose to do the hard work of healing.  Choose wholeness. Choose peace.

  1. A life of purpose is a fulfilling life. Everyone has a purpose, regardless of how young or old you are. Here’s a hint: your purpose is to be a blessing to others using the unique gifts and skills God has given you and the unique experiences you have been through. Your job is to find your purpose and then do it.

Far too many people travel through this life without intentionality, without a rudder, without a purpose. Many of the women I represent have lost their purpose as they try, sometimes for decades, to simply survive in a toxic environment. And by the time they work with me, sometimes in their 50s and 60s when their kids have grown, they don’t know why they are still on the earth. But when we have completed the Overcomer’s Spiritual Spa together, they rediscover themselves and have found their life mission, vision, and values.

Here’s a truth bomb: You have a purpose whether you are 8 or 98. God has given you a unique combination of gifts, personality traits, and skills and you have gone through unique experiences because you have a unique purpose on this planet that no one else can do as well as you can.  You can be assured that your purpose is making the world a better place and being a blessing to others in your own special way.

Purpose and happiness go together. People who live with purpose have direction and meaning, they develop stronger relationships, and they have less stress and depression and more resilience and optimism. They feel like their life has an impact, which boosts self-esteem and happiness.

Sometimes, people think they have no special skills, so they don’t really have a purpose. This is far from the truth. When my parents moved into a senior living facility in their 80s, they were befriended by a wonderful lady named Glenda. She used a wheelchair and an oxygen tank, and suffered from many physical issues.  But she knew she still had a purpose. Her purpose was to greet the newbies at the senior living facility, show them the ropes, and simply be a friend with a delightfully positive attitude. And anyone can do that.

As someone who is now in the fourth quarter of life, I know I have a lot fewer days ahead than I do behind. I want to lead a life of purpose and leave a legacy for those who come after me. I want my actions to be intentional so they serve my mission. That is why I write books and speak publicly and invest in people. I want my legacy to be changed lives for the women who read my books and watch my podcasts and come to me for counsel. And changed lives for their kids and grandkids too. Because abuse continues until someone stands up and says “It stops with me.”  Gone are the days when I can say “I will get around to it someday.” That someday is today.  I have things to do and lives to change before God calls me home.

Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

As you start the new year, do some soul-searching to find your purpose and lead your life with intention. Your happiness will grow.

In truth and love,

Charlene