Dear Daughters of the King of Kings,
As I was having my “Jesus Time” this morning, I was especially grateful that God left us a handbook – the Bible – that covers all situations that we must deal with in life – including dealing with people who side with an abuser. Anyone who has left an abusive relationship has experienced the discard of not only the abuser, but also by his minions – his children, his friends, his “church people,” his family. Even though you did everything you could to save your marriage and suffered unspeakable atrocities at the hands of your abuser, when you finally left to save your sanity, he twisted everything around and made it your fault. He played the pity card and told everyone who would hear that you “abandoned” him, you had an affair, you have a mental illness, you took all his money, you abused him, etc. The lies go on and on. And somehow, the people you had long cared about believed his lies and turned against you. The losses, including relational losses, one must endure to leave an abuser are seemingly endless.
Can I encourage you? God allowed those people to be removed from your life because you did not need them to fulfill His purpose in you going forward. Read that again. If you needed those people in your life, God would have ensured that they stayed. But He removed them. They were not for you. When they aligned themselves with your abuser, they showed you their moral compass. People support abusers for only one of three reasons: (1) they are deceived (just like you were a long time ago), (2) they are intimidated (just like you were when you could not leave), or (3) they share the same distorted moral compass as the abuser. Minor children who support their dad often fall into the first two categories, and then realize the truth as they grow older. But most adults who support an abuser and reject the real victim fall into the third category – they lack a moral compass. In fact, there is nothing you can do or say to convince them that you are the innocent victim of abuse. Much like the Pharisees who rejected the goodness of Jesus no matter how many miracles He did and no matter how righteous He was, these minions will reject and ostracize the victim of abuse while gleefully hobnobbing with your abusive ex-husband. And like the Pharisees, they do it with self-righteous snobbery.
What does Jesus say about these people? Thankfully, because He knew this would happen, He gave us words of wisdom and encouragement. “As you enter a home, greet those who live there. If that home welcomes you, give it your blessing of peace. If it does not, don’t bless it. Some people may not welcome you or listen to your words. If they don’t, leave that home or town, and shake the dust off your feet.” Matt 10:12-14 (NIRV) And even better: “Blessed are you when people hate you, when they have nothing to do with you and say bad things about you, and when they treat your name as something evil. They do all this because you are followers of the Son of Man. The prophets of long ago were treated the same way. When these things happen to you, be glad and jump for joy. You will receive many blessings in heaven.” Luke 6:22-23 (NIRV)
Regardless of whether they claim to be a “Christian,” these people have rejected God and rejected you because you are His and have chosen to remove yourself from evil. They are not discerning or led by the Holy Spirit. The Bible does not tell us to grovel and beg and try to convince them how righteous we are so that we will be accepted by them. Quite the contrary. We are told to shake their dust off our feet, move on, and consider ourselves blessed.
God is a God of Redemption. That is His very nature. When he removes something, He always replaces it with something better. And, because He loves you and has a good plan for your life, God will replace those toxic people with good people who are for you, who will encourage you, and who see the good in you because of the good in themselves.