Daughter of the King of Kings,
Many times, when a woman has left an abusive relationship, or her abuser has left her, she experiences doubts whether she should leave permanently, or go back. Even though her abuser was disrespectful, abusive, philandering, deceitful, and destructive, she often wonders if she did something wrong. Maybe if I give him one more chance, the lightbulb will go off, he will magically see the light, and we will live happily ever after. She spends hours each day thinking about the past, what she should have done better, how the outcome might have changed if she had been more submissive, more understanding, prettier, thinner, smarter, sexier, and had gone to one more marriage counselor.
Can I tell you something? All relationships with abusers end badly – very badly. There was nothing you could have done to make it end any other way but horrific. He does not give you that option. Their abuse is not because of anything you did, it is because they have chosen a lifestyle of abusing others to get their way. They have never cared for anyone but themselves.
If you had stayed or gone back, the abuse would have escalated, and over time, you would have died a long, slow, agonizing emotional, spiritual, and physical death. The goal of every abuser is to destroy the very spirit of their partner. In so doing, their partners suffer all sorts of emotional, spiritual and physical ailments – ranging from depression, PTSD, loss of faith, heart issues, gastro-intestinal issues, migraines, loss of motor skills, and a whole host of others.
But since you took a stand for yourself and your children to stop the generational curse of abuse, he has declared war on you. Because you would no longer worship him and offer yourself as a punching bag, doormat and scapegoat, you are guilty of high treason in his distorted thinking. So, he will vindictively try to destroy you, your social network, your faith, your finances, and your relationship with your children. So, you must stand firm, and know that choosing freedom and peace was the right choice.
Beloved, please release the guilt, the shame, and the “what ifs.” There was nothing you could have done to change the outcome. Your marriage or relationship was doomed from the beginning, not because of you or anything you did or did not do. Your partner chose to reject God, God’s guidelines for life, God’s commands to a husband to love his wife, and God’s commandments for an abundant, fulfilling life. Your abuser chose to partner with the Enemy, and in doing so, he has destroyed or will destroy everything around him – his family, his finances, his relationships, his health. The Enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy. That is his mission statement, and he uses abusers to do so.
Daughter of the King, Jesus loved you so much that He came not only to save you from our sins, but to save you from guilt and shame, and to give you an abundant, fulfilling life filled with joy, freedom, love, and peace. Lay your guilt and shame and what-ifs down at the foot of the cross – and leave them there.