Overcoming the Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath and Other Domestic Abusers
Call us: 847-624-1511|abusecarenow@gmail.com
Overcoming the Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath and Other Domestic Abusers
Call us: 847-624-1511|abusecarenow@gmail.com

15 Tips to Get Through the Holidays After Domestic Abuse by Charlene Quint

15 Tips to Get Through the Holidays After Domestic Abuse by Charlene Quint

Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and other domestic abusers almost always try to disrupt the holidays. They create chaos where there should be none. They refuse to agree to a schedule or disrupt schedules that have already been agreed upon.  They violate parenting agreements and marital settlement agreements. And they try to make themselves the center of attention. So, what do we do?  Here’s a few tips to get through the holidays with your sanity intact.

 

  • Don’t take the bait. Abusers will do things behind the scenes just to see you explode in frustration or anger in front of others. Then he will say, “See, I told you she is crazy!” It is all a game to him. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
  • Emotionally detach. Don’t let their bad behavior affect your sunny outlook. Just like when an unruly 2 year old has a melt down in the store, ignore and keep going.
  • The Brits have a good motto: “Keep Calm and Carry On.”
  • Don’t put the kids in the middle of the conflicts with your spouse.  They are in survival mode. They love both mom and dad, and they don’t want to hear your quibbles or your pot shots at their dad.
  • If schedules are disrupted, roll with the changes.
  • Be cheerful when the kids (or others) arrive at your house and make them feel welcome.  Let them know you are thrilled they are with you. Don’t make them feel bad for coming late (or early) or for schedule mishaps.  It’s not their fault.  They need to know you are the safe parent who loves them no matter what. The important thing is that you are together and giving thanks to God for His good gifts.
  • If this is your first holiday season separate and apart from your spouse, try starting new traditions completely different from previous years. Take a trip, volunteer at a shelter, cut down a Christmas tree. Old things have passed away and good new things are ahead.
  • If cash is short, keep in mind that kids don’t remember the presents they get.  They remember the atmosphere you create and the unique memories that you make.  So bake cookies together, decorate the Christmas tree, put out their favorite decorations, make snow angels, go ice skating at midnight, go sledding – whatever is fun that you can do together and make memories.
  • Resist the urge to compete with an ex-spouse or assuage the guilt of a divorce by piling on the gifts (and the credit card debt) to kids. Stay in your budget. My general rule of thumb: if three gifts from the wise men was good for Jesus, it is good for my kids too.
  • If your kids have been begging for a dog or cat, this is the year to get it.  Dogs and cats are healing to kids (and adults), are healthy for humans, teach responsibility to children, and bring joy. (This does not apply to reptiles, birds, spiders and other creepy things!) Keep Fido or Kitty at your house so there will be plenty of incentive for kids to come to your home.
  • Remember that this is only one holiday season.  Future holidays will have less chaos and distress when crazy man is in the past.
  • If you have an order of protection, don’t let crazy man or his family members talk you into a violation. OPs don’t have a holiday exception. And if others are relaying messages from crazy man, they are violating the OP ban on third party communications.  Keep in mind, he will play the pity card.  Don’t give in.
  • Make sure you do plenty of self-care: stay in your Bible, take a bubble bath, eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, get a massage, treat yourself to a mani/pedi, have lunch with a girlfriend, see a movie, do something fun for YOU!
  • When you start to feel overwhelmed or discouraged, blast praise and worship music and sing along loudly. Satan and his cronies called anxiety, discouragement and doubt flee when we praise God.
  • Thankfulness truly is the key to joy. Use this year end to grab an empty journal and make a list of all the blessings you are thankful for. The journal will be full, and so will your heart.
By |2020-11-23T17:59:18+00:00November 23rd, 2020|Emotional Abuse, Healing from Domestic Abuse|Comments Off on 15 Tips to Get Through the Holidays After Domestic Abuse by Charlene Quint

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